August 8, 1956

After being home for a week, Maddie had fed Honey several more times. She was becoming more skilled at burping and changing the diaper, but her first attempts at bathing the baby left her wet and limp with fatigue. Honey had screamed the entire time, and Maddie was convinced it was due to her clumsiness. Mrs. Carter was always present at these activities, and although she never spoke a critical word, Maddie felt that the nurse was disdainful of her own efforts. It was true that she offered helpful suggestions, but each time Mrs. Carter made a suggestion or actually took over the task, Maddie felt more helpless and stupid. Mrs. Carter did everything so easily and efficiently! Maddie felt envious. Although she realized that every new mother experienced feelings of inadequacy, most did not have access to expert help, so there wasn't a constant comparison of skill.

Catherine Hart was visiting today, and Maddie dreaded her arrival. After being admitted by the maid, Catherine asked Maddie to have the baby brought out so she could see her. When Mrs. Carter appeared carrying Honey, Catherine smiled in approval.

"Matthew did a good job choosing my granddaughter's nurse," she told Maddie after Honey was taken back to the nursery. "I was afraid he wouldn't. Men don't really know about such things! But that Mrs. Carter is a jewel."

"She's very good," Madeleine agreed. "She dearly loves Honey, too. But I'm not sure how long I'm going to keep her. I'd really like to take care of my baby myself, once I am stronger."

"Don't be ridiculous, Madeleine! You will need to return to your social obligations in a few more weeks. Matt Wheeler's wife cannot stay home to care for a baby. The baby doesn't know who is taking care of her, and she will do much better if you let the nurse do it. It's just foolish to do it yourself when you are able to afford the help. You know that Matt has agreed to join the board of the New York City Ballet. The two of you will be expected to attend the gala before the ballet leaves for its European tour later this month. And what about the Guggenheim Museum fundraiser? And the Sloane Hospital Women's Auxiliary? My dear girl, if you don't keep a nurse, you won't be able to fulfill your obligations."

Maddie was silent. She wasn't really interested in her social obligations, but she had to admit Catherine was right. If she was to be a helpmeet for Matthew, there were things she had to do.

"Mother, I'm sure you are right about some of those parties and charity functions. But I really want to spend time with my daughter."

"Of course I'm right." Catherine's tone of voice admitted no doubt. "You need to rest and get yourself back into shape. The Ballet gala is only a week from now."

"I don't see how I can go to the Ballet gala. I'm sorry about that, since it's the one I really wanted to attend. But it's not even six weeks since I had Honey, and I know I don't have the energy for a late evening like that. Matt will have to go without me."

"You must do as you think best, my dear. But whatever you do, don't let that nurse go. Her like is not to be found every day."

Maddie saw her mother out after a light lunch, then felt the familiar tiredness creeping up on her. She had gotten into the habit of taking a nap each afternoon, and today was no exception. After supper, Matt would want to take Honey for a stroll in the luxurious baby carriage that had been Catherine's gift, and she needed to steel herself for the walk in the sweltering heat of evening.

***********************

Natalie and Dirk drove down for the weekend. Matt insisted Mrs. Carter should take off for a visit to her mother. "My wife and I can take care of Honey this weekend," he reassured the nurse. "You've been here without a break for over three weeks. And as you know, my sister-in-law is an experienced mother. We'll be fine."

Mrs. Carter was obviously reluctant to leave her charge. "I would like to visit with my mother," she replied. "But I will leave you her phone number. Please don't hesitate to call if you need me to come back early."

She also made out a schedule for Honey's feedings, naps, and baths, so that every bit of the baby's routine could continue uninterrupted in her nurse's absence.

Saturday evening, the four adults sat in the Wheelers' comfortable living room, playing bridge. Honey slept in the crib in her room with the door open, so that they could hear her when she awoke. Ben was playing with some blocks on the floor between his parents' chairs. As usual, Natalie was making her opinions known.

"Maddie, I can't believe you are letting that woman dictate to you how to care for your child! I mean, leaving you a written schedule – she has a lot of nerve. I thought you wanted to take care of your own baby."

Maddie replied mildly, "I'm glad she did leave the schedule. Mrs. Carter is very good and she's really fond of Honey. I do want to be more involved in her care, but I still get tired so quickly. I'm not comfortable yet being on my own with Honey all day long."

"And you never will be comfortable unless you let that woman go and start doing things yourself. Why would anyone have a child just to hand its care over to someone else?"

"Well, Mother did point out that I have obligations to help Matt in his business by attending social functions and entertaining."

"Oh, Mother did, did she? There's your perfect example of a parent!"

"Now, girls!" Matt interrupted the conversation, which was threatening to get heated. "Natalie, Maddie's doctor agrees with me that Maddie is not strong enough yet to take on the baby's care full-time. If you can forget how your sister nearly died, I can't." His face was flushed with emotion as he spoke.

"I'm sorry, Maddie, sweetie." Natalie had the grace to look ashamed of her outburst. "Of course you haven't gotten all of your strength back yet. But you never will get more comfortable if you don't do it."

Just then, Dirk exclaimed, "I think I hear the baby now! She sounds mad, too."

They could all hear a thin wail from down the hall. Ben stopped playing with his blocks and said "Baby crying! Baby mad!"

"Benjy, darling, why don't you come with me? We'll go check on your cousin while Aunt Maddie and Uncle Matt get her bottle ready." Already Natalie was striding down the hallway to the nursery, Ben toddling along in her wake.

Matt stood and helped Maddie to get up. This would be Honey's first feeding since Mrs. Carter's departure. Maddie suddenly felt anxious. Together, they went in to the kitchen to get a bottle of formula. Six full, sterilized bottles sat neatly on the refrigerator shelf, each with its nipple inverted into the bottle and the flat nipple shield in place. Maddie took a bottle, removed the ring and shield, flipped the nipple and seated it in the ring, and shook a drop of formula onto her wrist. It was quite cold.

"We need to heat this bottle; she can't drink the milk straight from the refrigerator, can she?" she appealed to her husband.

"Of course not! But I never thought to ask Mrs. Carter how she heats it before feeding Honey," answered Matt.

"I think you'd have to heat a pan of water and put the bottle in it. But how do you turn on the stove?"

"I know you have to light the pilot light." Matt searched around the gas stove for matches. Maddie looked at the appliance as if afraid it would explode.

"Do you want to call Cook?" she asked. The cook and Irene had retired to their own quarters on the other side of the service entrance. They could be summoned in case of need through an intercom system.

"No, I'm sure we can figure it out."

They heard the sound of crying getting closer. Natalie, with the baby in her arms, and Dirk joined them in the kitchen. "What's taking you two so long?" Dirk asked. "Anyone would think you never heated a bottle before," he added jokingly.

"Well, I'm quite sure my sister has never lighted a stove before! Show them how it's done, sweetheart," Natalie directed her husband.

Maddie took Honey from her sister and began rocking her in her arms while they waited for the bottle to heat up, but the baby's cries only got louder. Maddie was embarrassed. Surely she should be able to soothe her own child. She went back to the living room and sat down in an armchair. Ben had followed her, and once she was seated, he leaned into the baby's face, staring intently at her.

"Baby cry," he said, looking up at Maddie. "Don't cry, baby! Play blocks!" He began waving a block in front of Honey's face. Attracted by the bright object's movement, Honey actually stopped crying for a few seconds. Just as Maddie began to relax, and smiled at her nephew, he dropped his block, which hit Honey in the center of her forehead. After a shocked pause, Honey's cries resumed at an even higher volume.

"Benjy! Darling, you have to be careful around the baby!" Natalie swooped in and snatched her son away from the screaming infant, mouthing an apology to her sister. Maddie set her jaw and held Honey against her shoulder. Just then, Matt and Dirk appeared with the heated bottle. Maddie almost grabbed it from her husband, shook a couple of drops onto her wrist again, and satisfied that it was the right temperature, popped it into Honey's open mouth. Abruptly, the screams stopped as the baby began to suck vigorously.

Ben had been released from his mother's grasp and he again made his way over to Maddie, where he hung over her lap, watching in fascination as his cousin took her bottle. When Maddie set the bottle down in order to burp her daughter, he picked it up and tried sucking on it himself while her head was turned.

"Benjy! Don't suck the baby's bottle!" Natalie jumped up and took the bottle from her son, who wore a surprised expression on his face.

"He just wanted to see what it tasted like." Dirk was struggling to hold back laughter, because he could see that Matt and Maddie were not amused, but at the look on Ben's face, he began to chuckle, then to guffaw with laughter.

"Now we'll have to heat another bottle! She was not even half-finished." Maddie was upset. Matt headed out to the kitchen to heat another pan of water, his mouth set in a grim line.

"Just take off the nipple and wash it! Ben didn't have it in his mouth for that long!" Natalie defended her son and followed Matt to the kitchen.

Maddie felt like crying, even though she knew it was ridiculous to be so upset. Why did everything have to be so much work?

Dirk took pity on his sister-in-law. "While they're in the kitchen, why don't I take Honey and change her diaper? I'm sure she's ready for a change – Ben always was by the time he had taken half of his feeding."

Maddie smiled gratefully at him as he took Honey from her. He whistled as he carried her back to the nursery. She was truly amazed at how comfortable he seemed to be with the infant. Of course, with his job, he has such an irregular schedule. I know he spent a lot of time with Ben when he was a baby, she thought.

Still, she was thankful that when the feeding was finished, she could excuse herself and go to bed. It had been an exhausting evening. She said her good nights before taking Honey back to the nursery. Just as she was dozing off, Matt joined her in the bed, and she snuggled into the circle of his embrace. "Thank goodness I have you," she said to him, twisting around to face him. "I don't know what I'd do without you. You're such a wonderful daddy."

Gently, he kissed her and held her closer. "You're a wonderful mommy," he replied.

"No, I'm not," she contradicted him. "Even Dirk is better with Honey than I am. But I am trying."

"I don't want you to feel like you have to take over all of Honey's care. You need to take the time you need to rest and recover. I meant what I said – you nearly died and it will take time for you to get stronger. Mrs. Carter does a good job and it's best for Honey and for you that you don't wear yourself out trying to do it all." Matt's voice was very firm.

"You are so good to me. I don't know what I could ever have done to deserve a husband like you," Maddie told him.